Words shape how we understand the world, and each other. In workplaces, families, and communities, many conflicts don’t stem from disagreement but from differences in meaning. What feels clear to one person may land very differently for another.

In The Princess Bride, Vizzini repeatedly uses the word “inconceivable.” Finally, his companion responds, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” While humorous, the scene captures something deeply human: we often assume shared understanding when none exists.

More commonly, we use the same word with two different meanings.

Consider something simple like the word clean. Growing up, my mother’s definition of clean meant dusted baseboards. My sister drew an imaginary line down the room and pushed the mess to the other side. I believed that if my bed was tidy and there was a clear path to the door, the room was clean.

Was it clean? It depends on who you ask.

In adulthood, the same dynamic shows up in workplaces. What does “soon” mean? Today? This week? What does “quickly” mean? Immediately or before the deadline? Even a shared kitchen can reveal vastly different definitions of “clean.”

How much time and tension are created by simple assumptions?

Words mean things, and they mean different things to different people.

So what do we do?

We slow down. We clarify. We align.

One simple framework is A.S.K.:

Apply what you know.
Consider the context and the person. Patterns matter.

Seek clarity.
Ask, “When you say soon, what does that mean?” Clarifying questions prevent frustration.

Kindly adjust.
Adjustment does not mean conceding. It means working together to create shared understanding that serves everyone involved.

Shared understanding reduces friction, builds trust, and strengthens teams. When we take time to define our terms, we create space for growth rather than conflict.

Words matter. Alignment matters more.

—
Abigail Panter

‍